An Introduction...

My body and I have been in disagreement for the past sixteen years, both of us wanting control. I was recently discharged from an eating disorder treatment center where, not only did I learn how to eat properly, but also that my mind and body can co-exist peacefully. Since then I've really been interested in body image and the role it plays in so many women's and girl's lives (and of course men as well). 

The way we see ourselves in the mirror affects us in such a huge way and many of us never really give it that much consideration, I know I didn't. For sixteen years I just knew that I hated EVERYTHING about my body, but I didn't think about how these thoughts would affect the psychological and social areas of my development. This doesn't mean that all of the sudden, *POOF*, like magic I love my body (don't we all wish it was that easy?). I despise my body, my recent weight gain has left  me feeling uncomfortable, self-concious and feeling a mixture of satisfaction and hate at the same time. 

My relationship with food hasn't improved all that much either. I eat because I have to, but despise every bite I take. Also, I'm not eating in a healthy manner. Thanks to the recent Easter holiday, I've been living almost completely off jelly beans and chocolate, with a few healthy things thrown in the mix from time to time. The other day I cut up an apple, thinking "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you" with each slice. As far as I know the apple wasn't guilty of any crime, so why was I directing so much anger towards it?

So you're probably thinking "Where is this going?"

I know that I need to:

1) Improve my relationship with food

2) Find a way to align my mind and my body

3) Learn to listen to and recognize my body's needs

4) Recognize that my body is an amazing thing and does not deserve all the hate its received over the  years

5) My ED has taken up so much of my energy and time that I need to take some time to figure out who I really am

However, I know myself quite well, I'm not very good at this type of thing and if I try to go it on my own I'll fall back into my old behaviors. So I started this blog with the hope that it will help keep me on track and that maybe it might be of help to someone else out there in the internet universe.

So sit back and read as I start my journey of re-discovering myself :-)